Friday, January 23, 2009

Day Eighteen

Day Eighteen: The road to recovery is taking all my (pig) pens

Today is bittersweet, Hamsen made it to # 41 on the death metal
Purevolume charts today, beating out such notables as Cattle Decapitation,
Cannibal Corpse, and Pig Grinder (grind on this!)

Normally we would be partying it up doubly hard on this momentous
‘even more casual Friday”….but instead, the entire Epitaph office waits
with baited breath as Hamsen struggles to recover.

His patches have been repaired and the bandages remain, but I assure you,
his hopes have never been higher.

There will be a candlelight vigil tonight held at Emil Villa’s at 8pm.
Stay tuned for updates over the weekend…

Oh! Big ups to for launching Dave Hamsen's music career! JT Ftw!

p.s. in case you missed, Hamsen's coat is patchy and it looks like he has Chiaids.


-john b.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Day Seventeen

Day Seventeen: From Ham To Infirmary

Sad news today kids…it seems that the Rock N’ Roll lifestyle has been

taking its toll on Dave Hamsen. Fame, fortune, the girls, the cars, the drugs,

the men, etc. have caused my boy to start prematurely shedding his seed

(not even in the sexy way!!).

We wrapped him up with gauze and bandages and have kept a close eye

on his water intake; w/ a little help from Miracle Grow and any luck at all

he should be back to normal sometime next week.

In lieu of these tragic events, Pat from Sing It Loud rushed over today to wish

Hamsen his best, and to offer some tips on how to grow full, luscious, shiny locks

with more bounce and twice the hold!

One final note, the response to his single “Pig Destroyer Destroyer” has been

nothing short of ASTRONOMICAL! It has to be at least within the top

500 of purevolume’s Swedish death metal category…

-john b.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Day Sixteen

Day Sixteen: 00dlez of br00talz

Last week I promised a very special surprise that would make up for

missed posts, and after being FLOODED with inquiries, marriage proposals

and death threats, I decided to break street date on this one…

Here it is…a rare B-side from Dave Hamsen’s debut record, “Grease Sells…

But Who’s Frying?” … Look for the full length coming out on BladeRunnerMedia

Records on Dec. 21, 2012.


-john b.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Day Fifteen

Day Fifteen: let's not lie, he looks fugly as shit.

Wow! Whatta weekend! HUGE Thanks to the good folks at Absolutepunk
for posting that hot tip on Hammy!!! The response was overwhelming
and we raised our subscriptions 150%!!! 5 ppl.

Anyway...Punk Rock Bowling this weekend was AMAZING, huge shout out to
our new friends and that drunk guy in a Christina Aguilera shirt at the bar.
(p.s. did you know that he is afraid of horror movies?)

My conscious got the better of me and decided to listen to my friends...Hammy
stayed home w/ my gf's sister so he wouldn't be corrupted by the electric sex
that is Vegas...

However, I did make an artist's rendering of how things would have went
if he came along. Picture below, expect a sweet ass goodie sometime this week.

Hint Hint: who wants a hot rub?!?!

-john b.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Day Eleven

Day Eleven: Chia Pets Are Hardcore!

Let’s not lie, as a young adult, Hammy is a little nervous about going to

Vegas for Punk Rock Bowling this weekend. The idea of your Papa running

off to the craps table to blow your college fund while you are left with $20 to fend

for 3 days of arcade games kinda frightened him.

So, Chad from NFG / ISHC was gracious enough to come in and give him a

pep-talk about the finer points about life, becoming a (chia) man/pig and the

new Notorious B.I.G movie.

In a once in a lifetime photo opportunity, we managed to catch Chad, Brett,

Barack AND the Fonz all in one shot! Not to get any hopes up, but I hear there’s

still an opening in the Obama’s Agricultural dept….just saying …who’d be better

than someone who A.) Is and actual plant and B.) isn’t afraid to call you a

chickenfucker through terra cotta eyes?

If nothing else he’ll get to at least level 20 on Elvis pinball…

-john b.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Day Ten

Day Ten: The Hour (weekend) Of PRB Is Upon Us!!!!!!

In preparation for The Accountant’s Corner debut on the Punk Rock Bowling

Scene, Hammy decided to lend a loin towards the creation of our garbs.

Make no mistake...

The strikes will be devastating! The spares will be life-saving!

The amount of beer will be liver pickling! Let’s all give thanks for this excuse

to kill the brain cells we accumulated in Jr. College!

Speaking of giving thanks, guess who decided to drop on by to give his blessing???

THE J MAN, SON OF G, DIED ON THE C…he looks like Ted Nuggent…

Good ole’ Gee-whiz!!!

Hammy found him! He was actually hiding behind Sue’s desk next to Tim Gunn…

Who woulda thunk it???

Pics of Hamsen, Sara and Lilly’s back below..MAKE IT WORK!

-john b.