Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Day two: no sighting, but the seeds are cracking?

Being a parent is hard. Having spent approximately .0001786%
of my life tending to our newest edition, Dave Hamsen, I’ve come
to realize that sometimes you need to step outside of yourself
to rise to the occasion.

Like today when I saw an African Killer Bee on my boy. Not the
nice bumble bee kind, whose extinction will kill us all in 2012, but
a goddamn WARRIOR bee… make no mistake this was the asshole
we were warned about circa 2002.

Sidenote: who knew that Fox would make the “shape of punk to come”
of news predictions???

Anyway, so when I hazily walked into the office this morning to
see nature’s douchebag in full display on top of Dave’s head, I
went into survival mode; like a planet earth papa penguin desperately
trying to save his egg from rolling out from under his belly fat into the arctic cold.

Swiftly, I grabbed the nearest book, the mormon bible (WTF!?!?!),
and proceeded to smash his Apocrita-ass into a million pieces.

Unnecessary? Cruel? Consider this, chickenfucker:

A.) I don’t know what this bee’s intentions were…for all I know he could’ve been lacing his seeds with superaids gas!

B.) Killing the bee allowed us access to give Hamsen proper medical care, I.E. food,water, steroids, meth, etc.

C.) I got attacked by a hive of wasps once, it sucked and I hold grudges well.

One more day and Hamsen is supposed to sprout (Chia pet owner’s manual, article 5)…don’t let me down, tiger!!!

-john b.

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